My Innertermoil

 This is a page out of my journal a few years ago that I would like to share with everyone. I believe there are those who might currently be in that place, or have already passed this point. Either way, it is something that is never far from my thoughts as I continue to become broken before the Lord. I hope this will help someone find encouragement and strength. May our Lord Jesus Christ bless you--I pray. Lord we want to see Your face. I remember when I first became a Christian, this was a very exciting time for me. Can you remeber when you gave your heart to Christ? I can remember the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th... Wait wait, wait. You're asking, "man what happened to you?" Well, in my opionion, it wasn't a true conversion. Sometimes, I think about those days, of how naive and stupid I was in my so called wisdom. And yet even now, I realize how minute my thoughts and capacity for knowledge was. I know nothing, ya know. I don't have a clue to what Gods plan is. We do not have a clue to what Gods plan is. Wisdom! So many times we pray for this, and we do so freely not even understanding what we are praying for do we? I mean think about it, sit down and really think about what you are asking God for the next time you pray for His Wisdom. Do you not know that we cannot handle or even fathom what wisdom is? We are so delicate that the very presence of God will kill us; and we want Him to grant us wisdom. What does it mean to worship God? What does it mean to be a Christian? I know there will probably be some who don't agree with me on some of these things, but this is just how I feel about where I am in my walk with God. Please take no offence to my words; but if it makes you bleed then maybe the Lord's speaking to ya. Okay, back to worship. How do you worship? Do you only worship God when you are in the Church, and the feel-good music is going? And boy, this puts you on cloud nine. It makes you feel good right? I know. I know. "The Lords in this place" Right? Sometimes I wonder if He is or is this just a place where we go and we feel good about what we are doing, and others look and say boy they love God. Now I'm not doubting anyone's love for the Father, I'm just going by my own soul searching. The Word says, to "examine yourself daily." I'm getting there. Boy, am I getting there; because I dont want there to be any doubt where I stand before God. What Happened?! Did you catch that? The Rapture (the great catching away) just took place and here i am typing on this thing instead of worshiping God and getting my heart right huh? I wonder, where is my walk at? Do I really love God? Am I truly committed to serving Him? You know, the other day I was in the plumbing shop and the guy behind the counter (I've known for years) and you know what? He doesnt have a clue that I'm a Christian, or what it means to be a Christian. Man, am I worthless? Did you hear me? I'm worthless! While sitting there and listening to the filth coming from his mouth, I said nothing. Did you hear that? I SAID NOTHING! So what does that make me? I'm a Christian and no, I didn't partake in the conversation, but I stood there and accepted it didn't I? Here is someone I know is more-than-likely going to hell, and I said nothing. but I'm a Christian right? Bull! This is the junk I'm talking about. I cry out Lord, Lord, send me. Send me Father, I'll go. Bury me because I'm useless in this life. I'm no more a Christian than the next guy. The only difference is--I know Jesus and yet, I cant even do what i'm called to do. Where do you stand? As for me I'm worthless. I think about David as I tell this story. Let us look at the things he did. The Bible says "David was a man with a heart for God", and yet he took Bathsheba, committed adultery with her, and had her husband killed to try to hide it. Not only that, he directly dissobeyed God with the census right? Well, when we thought about David when we were growing up, we saw how he was lifted so high in the story with the giant. Correct? They didn't tell us in Sunday School that David did all of these terrible things. I mean a murderer, adulterer, lieing and defying God! This is huge, yet the Word says he had a heart for God. This is the key! When he messed up, he truly repented and didnt look back. I'm learning--so bear with me God. I'm learning. Thank You for Your mercy Father. Where do you stand in your walk with God? Are you seeking Him in everything? Are you truly living the life you should? I know I dont do the things I should be doing. Father, right now I thank You for Your mercy, dear God. I thank You for what You are doing in our lives. Lord, I lift up my fellow brothers and sisters all over... Not just on this site, but world-wide Lord. I pray Lord, that You would always show us our faults Lord. I pray that You would always keep us humble Father. Smack us around when we mess up Lord. Don't let us get too far, and if it requires a leash like an animal, then put 2 on me Lord. God, I pray right now that You would put a renewing in each and everyone's heart today. Lord, I pray Father that everyone would fall on there faces and repent for their sins Lord. I pray that they would realize their ways of wrong and the deceit that satan has blinded them with Lord. I pray Father that they would examine themselves daily Lord. Every second of every day Lord. Father, You are Lord, You are God, and we praise You oh Lord. Father we magnify Your name, oh Lord, and we lift You up above all others. Father, I pray right now that Your blessings would be on everyone Lord. Father, I pray that Humility would touch my brothers and sisters. Lord, I pray that they would seek You like never before God! Stir up their spirit. I pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen. God is moving in the midst. His spirit glides above the water's edge. As the sun rises and the fog lifts, behold His creation and the Beauty that is before you.

Posted by Armor-Bearer at 2/25/2009 10:59 PM
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: life story testimony drugs depression Vernon TX
 

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